Gratitude

Do you ever have those moments?

The ones that overwhelm you with gratefulness?  The ones that stop time, that take you over to the Other Side?

Sometimes, I’m flooded by the sensation of receiving.  I am opened wide to all of the gifts that are being showered down.  This awareness of all of the people that have lined my path.  All of the people I never deserved to have loved me. 

In those moments that come when I feel isolated, or just plain lonely.  When I know that right now, I’m not experiencing the fulness of life–what I was made for.  If I allow Him, in those moments, He shows me the fullness of the life He has already blessed me with, the life He is gifting me at this very moment.  I simply close my eyes and give thanks.  I close my eyes, breathe deep, and I see it all.  The people, the friendships, the suffering, the joy in the suffering, the journey, the love. 

Two weeks before I returned to the Convent that I once called home, it was raining.  It was pouring on my soul.  It was dark, and the water was coming down so quickly that I couldn’t see through the rain.  I couldn’t see where I was going.  I know now, it had to rain.  It had to rain for the soil to be able to receive the seeds that were given me there.  The love, the truth that was given me on my trip.  The friendship and understanding.  The words, the prayer.  The soil had to be ready to receive.

I’m back in the world again.  The seed was planted, but I know that in order for it to grow,  for growth…for change–  It has to rain.  In this moment, I stop and give thanks for the rain.  If the rain means growth, let it pour.  I only pray He lets me walk under His umbrella–so I don’t drown.

“God is always good and I am always loved.”   ~One Thousand Gifts

To love Him more

motherhouse

It has been just one year and some days since I left that beautiful Convent I thought would be home forever.  

It’s quite a sensation to love something so much, a longing, a thought, a profound desire, yet love the Lord so much so to let all this go.

For those who leave the world to enter Religious life, they die to the world, and that is their death.  They give up their family, the comforts of the world, the comfort of their weakness.  They give up all they’ve ever known–everything but Him.  They die.

It is strange–my desire to be a Religious is so strong. The desire to lay it all down runs through the very marrow of my bones.  This world, leaving the Convent–this is death for me.  And like my sisters, for Him–I choose death. In Him, death gives life.